Ah, Glastonbury, that fun time of year when young people and old people and even actual children frolic around in a giant pit of mud to Ed Sheeran in a literal recreation of Bridget Jones 3: The Sequel We Never Watched.
Another notable addition to the line-up this year is the hottest new band in the world: Increased Security Measures. Lol jk. There are actually just loads of sensible new security measures.
Joking aside, this means it’ll probably take a lot longer to get into Glastonbury, if that was fathomable. Before you get your knickers in a soggy twist because you can’t pee for a really long time, remember that they’re not doing it to nab the pingers you slipped into your tic tac case — well, I mean, they probably do want to nab those too — but mainly they’re doing it for your safety.
The changes follow the Manchester and London terror attacks, and are an effort ensure that the festival is as secure as possible. So, instead of gearing up the ‘Are we there yet?’ line you honed as an stroppy wee tyke, pack a she-wee, some extra crisps, and take note of the below…
1. There will be extra bag searches
I repeat: safety.
2. Expect it to take a lot longer to get in
I repeat: crisps.
3. Pack light folks
The less you bring, the quicker the search, the sooner you get in, the higher your likelihood of finding a camping spot that’s not in the middle of a pool sized puddle and a hundred odd portaloos.
4. If you don’t pack light, you’re going to have to go through an extra lane for large luggage
So maybe leave your hair dryer and hair straighteners and suitcase designated specifically for make-up at home. You know it’s all gonna wash off in the first five minutes of rain, which will occur in the first five minutes of your arrival, right?
5. Put luggage tags on all your bags
This is so festival staff can easily identify whose bag is whose. Added bonus of being able to identify the bugger who tries to bolt off with your sleeping bag.
6. Maybe don’t arrive on Wednesday
The music schedule doesn’t start until Friday, but Wednesday is when most people arrive. So, if you want to make it through as quickly as possible, which you probably do, maybe get there on Thursday or Friday? Besides, it’s like boarding planes — getting on earlier doesn’t actually make them take off any quicker mate.
7. No fun and games in the car parks
But that’s not to say you can’t have fun and games in the car! So go forth and I Spy the abundance of visual pleasures your shitty Toyota Corolla interior offers. D for dirt, M for McD’s wrappers, A for Are We — no, no, you’re not allowed that one, remember?
Credits
Text Georgie Wright
Photography Robbie Shade