Shitegeist
When trends peak too quickly, becoming so absurdly-ubiquitous, that the only interesting-looking people left are those whom dress really badly. Or nudists.
Vete-phrenia
When you routinely alternate between believing Vetements to either be a much needed breath of fresh fashion air, or a stale exercise in Martin Margiela re-tweaking and over-priced irony.
Deathibel
When someone pronounces the hard-to-spell name of a designer incorrectly while in the company of diehard fashion lovers, and a deafening silence ensues.
Throwing Sample Shade
When a furious PR catches a fashion stylist wearing a press sample (which had originally been loaned to use within a shoot, but is now charmingly accented with red wine splashes and customized with cig burns) at a Fashion Week party.
Frow-frown
When an old-skool magazine fashion editor visibly scowls, having been seated at a show next to some 17-year-old vlogger who got mega-rich by demonstrating how to use curling tongs.
Coast-astrophe
When fashion people move from expensive London to cheap-as-chips Margate in search of a ‘better quality of life’ by the sea, only to horrifiedly discover there is no Waitrose and the local Debenhams doesn’t stock Rick Owens.
Showblivion
When young designers whom presented their collections at London Fashion Week across three consecutive seasons — being enthusiastically hyped to the hilt by all ‘n’ sundry along the way — are thereafter never heard of or mentioned again.
Pannabes
When an obscure guest with tenuous fashion credentials pops up on the SHOWstudio live panel discussions during Fashion Week (possibly after a last minute cancellation from someone more legitimate), talking bollocks while looking really serious.
Insta-ham
When the sudden urge for an early morning bacon breakfast sandwich, while hungover and en route to Fashion Week, is evidenced for the remainder of the day by a dried tomato ketchup stain upon your chin.
Collabor-hate
When everyone who works at a fashion magazine knows a new collaboration between a big designer and some tired old brand is a hideous mess, but cannot publicly acknowledge this truth as both parties are major advertisers.
Gift-ritus
When you realize the various free items stuffed into a ‘goodie bag’ and given away at a fashion party are all a bit ‘Reduced to Clear.’ ‘Hair mousse’ and Kale-flavored lip balm, in particular.
Vol au Voms
When you projectile-spew, having devoured too many of the ‘locally sourced’ and ‘curated’ canapés, and swilled too many ‘bespoke’ cocktails, at the opening of a new Soho fashion boutique.
Bintern
When the young fashion student intern, whose CV initially promised so much, does fuck-all work and keeps being found zonked out on Xanax in the toilet.
Read: With Fashion Week in full swing, here’s 40 things to remember when it all gets too much.
Credits
Text James Anderson
Image via Instagram