I Was On The Cover of i-D

written by ENZA KHOURY

This story appears in i-D 375, The Beta Issue. Get yours here.

November 22nd, 2024: I’m sitting on my bed, reading the second edition of an old Japanese manga series called Marmalade Boy. My phone screen lights up with an Instagram notification. One of my friends from acting school sent me a post: It’s a casting call from the iconic Jennifer Venditti, the casting director behind Euphoria and Marty Supreme. My heart beats a little faster, and my eyes light up. She’s looking for an unknown teenage girl to be on the cover of an “international fashion magazine.” My mind runs wild. I compose myself and text my friend back saying, “I’ll apply in the next few days.”

December 11th: I’m at school, sitting in the black box theatre, waiting for my acting classes to start. My phone rings. I pick it up. Ten minutes later, I’m told I’ve made it to the next round of auditions for the project. I’m literally jumping with joy. The rest of the day, I’m on top of the world, grateful to have made it one step closer to something I had always known was going to happen, but unsure how or when. 

December 13th: I film my next stage of auditions.

December 19th: The Zoom call that changed everything for me. I was told I was selected. There would be a cover story written about me and a photoshoot. Also, that I’d be going to Paris. The specific magazine remained a mystery. I was scared of what was to come, but also more excited than I could properly express. Now, all I needed to do was tell my parents. I had kept it a secret from them from the start. I didn’t want their opinions to affect the outcome. As superstitious as that may seem, it brought me comfort knowing that I was in charge of the outcome, not them. 

January 15-20, 2025: The shoot. It was a whirlwind process. For part of it, I got to include my wonderful friends. Getting to share this with them was beyond special. I wore garments that told stories; art pieces that were more expensive than anything I had touched before (Prada! Gucci! Louis Vuitton!). My favorite look was an outfit inspired by one of my favourite fictional characters, Princess Zelda. (I’m now actually reading The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess that was adapted into a manga.)

Feb 20-23rd: I performed as Olivia in my acting school’s production of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. 

March 8th: I was off to Paris. I had left the country a few times before to go on camping trips near Toronto, which isn’t too far from my home in Cleveland. So, going to Paris to attend fashion shows was, and still is, surreal to me. I attended Balenciaga, Miu Miu, and Kiko Kostadinov’s shows, as well as the launch party for i-D at Rick Owens’ house?! All of these brands dressed me for the shows, and I was somehow in the same rooms as A$AP Rocky, Law Roach, and, of course, Rick Owens and his wonderful wife, Michèle Lamy. My other time in Paris was spent hanging out with the extraordinarily talented Karlie Kloss and getting scammed at the Eiffel Tower—but that’s a story for another time. 

March 12th: My high school class was about 450 students total, so word got around quickly that I was on the cover of a magazine. Since I started my transition at six, and was also the first trans student in my school district, there have always been a lot of unkind words and gazes directed at me. I was shown that my transness was something I needed to hide if I wanted to survive in the school system. Although it felt like my life had flipped over, it was pretty calm. I had a peaceful lunch at school every day. High schoolers in math class still acted like highschoolers in math class. But, when I got back from this trip, something did change––deep within me. There was a power and true confidence I felt. I’ve always had a sureness in who I am, but people treated me poorly, and I treated myself poorly, which caused my sureness to be suppressed. The sureness came back in a way I didn’t know was possible. Another thing that changed was the attention I was getting from modelling agencies. Every day, agents wanted to speak. I found this ironic, because the year prior, I had submitted to a plethora of agencies, with only one getting back to me. 

April 24th: My dad and I planned a trip to meet with seven agencies in New York City. I had been to the city once, last year, to visit colleges. Now I met with model and talent agencies. Although film and fashion are where my heart truly lies, I would love to seek higher education one day. I really enjoy video game production and design, gender and race studies, geography, and wildlife conservation. 

May 20th: The award ceremony for my acting school. This acting school had been my safe space for the past two years. Going into my junior year, I was convinced I had to move schools because the bullying had gotten too bad. My teachers saw something in me that I hadn’t been able to see in myself. I was surrounded by queer people. It saved me.  

June 1st: My high school graduation. It was the first day of Pride Month and my cap was decorated with a bedazzled trans symbol. I got to see all six of my siblings and give them hugs. I was emailing back and forth with my newfound family at my agency, IMG—the same agency as Alex Consani, Bella Hadid, and Hailey Bieber. My senior year of high school was undoubtedly the most transformative year of my existence. I am a trans high-school girl with big dreams who got to experience something that I had barely seen people like me have the chance to. I am beyond excited to get to be me, and queer, and proud.