How are y’all getting to Area 51? We’re in London, so flights to the Nevada desert are expensive as hell, not to mention they take absolutely forever. But it’ll all be worth it when we liberate those sweet grateful alien boys. If you, too, are facing a long and arduous journey to taste that freedom, we’ve put together a must-watch list to help while away the hours and keep your revolutionary spirits up. Enjoy your last binge watch while you can. I’m not sure if they have Netflix in prison, but it doesn’t seem likely.
Ha, just kidding, the FBI will of course shoot us all on sight. Happy watching!
Spice World
The best and simultaneously most fucked up scene in the movie Spice World is when the fab five get lost in the woods and unexpectedly come across a UFO (bear with us on this). The aliens depart from the spaceship for the audience to discover that they are of course Spice Girl stans (well, I mean, obviously). The girls nominate Geri as chief negotiator, and the aliens ask for tickets to their sold out Royal Albert Hall show, before getting their autographs. If making friends with the Area 51 boys is half as easy as this scene, then I am already beside myself with excitement for my new alien friends and their impeccable taste in 90s pop music.
Toy Story
We are gonna save those aliens’ lives and they are gonna be eternally grateful.
The Simpsons
Specifically, that episode — The Simpsons Files, all the way back in season 8 — where Mr Burns is mistaken for an alien who wishes to bring peace and love to the people of Springfield. Obviously, the Springfield residents try to capture and attack the supposed alien for his trouble. Let this be a cautionary tale: we should welcome our alien brethren from the confines of Area 51 with open arms and open hearts.
Contact
Sure, there are more well known films about aliens than the movie Contact. There are hundreds. We could have put Signs on this list instead, if it didn’t mean giving attention to the existence of Mel Gibson. But after falling off the radar on its original release, Contact has gained a cult following in the past few years, thanks in no small part to drag queen and UNHhhh star Katya Zamolodchikova. A true Contact superfan, Katya takes every opportunity during her YouTube series to promote this movie, which is the only reason we know that it stars Jodie Foster as Dr Ellie Arroway, who after years of searching, finds conclusive radio proof of extraterrestrial intelligence, sending plans for a mysterious machine. The 1997 film then culminates with her meeting her dead dad on a beach. Or something.
Invader Zim
I spent a long time debating whether to put Rick and Morty on this list. And then ultimately I decided against it because I’m not a huge fucking nerd. If you want to watch cartoons about aliens then you can make do with Invader Zim, the original little green guy from the noughties, and thus the best.
Jeopardy
If you’ve never heard of Jeopardy — no, not the game show — then allow us to illuminate you. This noughties British-Australian kids show follows a group of eight secondary-school students, travelling from Scotland with their teacher to the Australian bush to look for UFOs. They then record most of their discoveries on handheld cameras, Blair Witch style. Ahead of its time really. Also absolutely insane as a plotline. Imagine getting a school trip to Australia!
Avatar
If even a tiny part of you isn’t attracted to the storming of Area 51 because you watched Avatar and now you think that maybe you too can have sex with a beautiful blue alien, then I’m sorry, but you’re lying to yourself.
Mars Attacks!
There are a lot of movies about aliens, yes, but there is only one movie about aliens which features an inexplicable cameo from Tom Jones, whose set is destroyed by three murderous Martian backing singers. Tom later executes the alien by shooting it with a raygun after chasing it through a casino while Danny DeVito watches on. I’m not making any of this up.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
C’mon, we couldn’t leave the original and best alien movie off this list. Originally we were going to include Alien as the original and best, but E.T. is much cuter and it spares us all the trauma of having to imagine giving birth to an Area 51 alien through our chest cavities. Look at his little red hoodie! I love him.