Just imagine it: It’s summer, it’s hellishly hot and what you need, what you absolutely must spend your pay check on, is a pair of sunglasses that simultaneously hide you from the world and show it who you are this spring/summer 18. For inspiration, you can always look to the silver screen for enduring, statement-making styles, but forget those boring old classics like Breakfast At Tiffany’s. In this time of fear and misery, it seems appropriate to draw on the overlooked chic of horror film shades.
As the saying goes, eyes are the windows to the soul – and let’s face it you probably have some awful, dark secrets to hide. Did you sleep with a gooey mess of a mutant-tentacled-creature? Maybe you’ve been helping Satan grow demonic spawn? Did you scroll deep on your ex’s feed and accidentally like a pic while trying to zoom? Better keep your saucers buried behind some tinted lenses all summer long. Here’s some style inspiration from the scariest films.
For the possessed
Possession is a very weird and disturbing film that stars a French actress in very chic outfits. That is a magic cinematic combo that bestows the status of ‘cult’ to any film. It’s variously been described as a “psychological thriller”, “horror-drama” and “avant-garde suspense”.
The French actress is the incredible Isabelle Adjani, who won the Best Actress award in Cannes for her portrayal of Anna in Possession. She definitely deserved it with all that blood drooling, writhing around and spiralling descent into unhinged madness and perversion (the poor woman ends up putting clothes in the fridge and food in the bedroom for goodness sake) not to mention the scene in which she makes love to a grotesque octopus-like man. Anna hides her manic murderous tentacle-man sex secrets behind some fabulous violet coloured sunglasses with ombre lenses.
If you have made similarly bad choices recently and feel haunted by the ghosts of Tinder past, make like Anna and hide from the world in 80s inspired shades.
Maybe these from Gucci will work just fine?
If you’re cute but have psychotic tendencies
Rhoda, the protagonist of the 1956 horror The Bad Seed was adorbs, with her long blonde plaits and pinafore dresses. And boy oh boy, did she look sassy in her sparkly cat eye sunglasses – very Miu Miu.
But Rhoda had some dark secrets. You see, even from a tender age, Rhoda was an absolute psycho, knocking off a neighbour and then a classmate because they possessed stuff she wanted. It turns out she was the granddaughter of a serial killer, so it wasn’t really all her fault – she was just genetically inclined to murder.
Do you feel like you might have been a bit of a sociopathic fruitcake recently? Do you like a vintage look with a modern edge, something sweet but also edgy? Look no further than Rhoda for you shade inspiration this summer.
Yes, these Dolce ones are perfect.
If you’re in a co-dependent bloodsucking relationship
Does your current relationship make you feel dead inside? Like you’ve been betrothed for hundreds of years? Things flatlining a little? Well then, you should take inspo from Jim Jarmusch’s Only Lovers Left Alive, featuring the perfectly gothic Tilda Swinton and the not-usually-very-goth Tom Hiddleston.
Hide your pain, evil-doing and artistic sensibilities behind some tortoiseshell frames with ultra-black lenses. Stay inside to keep out of that harsh summer sun, play some records and mooch about in your flat that’s decorated like a search on Pinterest for “rustic rock and roll lux”.
Saint Laurent maybe? Yes, definitely.
When you just want to be invisible
2018 is terrible so far, and summer will make it even worse. Light and warmth signals the start a season in which personal branding via social media turns us all into horrible people. Very soon your feed will be flooded with everyone’s ‘Aperol spritz on the beach’ photos.
If you really feel like it would be great to actually just disappear, The Invisible Man is your glasses guru. The titular character of this 1933 sci-fi horror had the good sense to invent a method to — you guessed it — make himself invisible. Instead of using this new invention to allow himself a chill time, he was intent on a reign of terror and so went on a killing spree. But the guy had great taste in eyewear. Those industrial yet sporty sunglasses feel very now. The close fit will provide great coverage and protect your eyes from glare as you sit in the sun staring at your misery rectangle.
Ah, wonderful, Calvin Klein have just the pair.