True style is self-acceptance. Turn your struggles into strengths. Embrace your unique identity. These are just some of the phrases that make up StyleLikeU‘s inspirational manifesto. Set up in 2009 by Elisa and her daughter Lily, StyleLikeU has become famous for its searingly honest docu-style video portraits. The platform is dedicated to redefining our culture’s warped notion of beauty, and challenging the status quo when it comes to things like sex, gender, race, and self-image.
Particularly notable is What’s Underneath, a series which focuses on radical individuals such as LGBTQ activist iO Tillett Wright, former addict and Gurls Talk founder Adwoa Aboah, and plus size model and body positive pioneer, Iskra Lawrence. Sitting on a stool, each individual shares their personal story while stripping a layer of clothing off, and thus revealing their true style within. Born out of frustration with the fashion world — Elisa was a former stylist who after a hiatus was shocked at the industry’s newfound cult of corporate celebrity worship, Photoshopped perfection, and obsession with youth. Lily was a curvy student who felt alienated by the industry’s unattainable notions of beauty all her life. So the pair set up StyleLikeU as a kind of revolt, a safe space for individuals to come and find peace with themselves, talk about their issues, and learn from others who speak freely about theirs.
As they work towards expanding their project and touring all over the world, we catch up with the mother and daughter duo making self-acceptance fashionable.
Where did the idea for StyleLikeU come from?
Elisa: I was a fashion editor at Condé Nast when I started my career in the 80s. Then I left for a while and when I came back into it, I felt incredibly alienated from the industry that I had once known. I had left this very creative, open, authentic, cultural tribe, where I felt that I had found myself and my individuality. Then when I came back to freelance, it was the opposite — very corporate, top down, and only thinking about money. Around the same time, Lily was about to go to college; she is curvy and had a very different experience with fashion and fashion magazines than I had. They made her feel pretty horrible. So we had this idea that we wanted to start filming people that we felt were truly inspirations — not what we were seeing in the media that both of us were feeling very alienated from. In the beginning it was very important to us that we broke out of the boxes and categories and labels that we felt were keeping everyone very boring. We were very diverse in terms of age, race, sexuality, and body type.
What is the significance of stripping in the What’s Underneath series?
Elisa: I used to say to Lily that you could be completely naked and have style. So we had this idea to have these individuals sit on a stool in front of a wall and take their clothes off as they talked about identity. We just experimented with it and it was just magic from the start. That started about two years ago. This was so deep because everyone hates their bodies, many people have had some from of addiction related to image and identity, a lack of feeling accepting of themselves. So it became extremely obvious to us that this was really important. It went viral and we had an outpouring from people all over the world asking us to come to their cities and telling us how much it had changed their lives.
What have you learned from one another?
Elisa: Lily is absolutely my hero — that sounds cliché, but it’s true. In terms of her fearlessness and own body image issues, she has taught me what being beautiful really is and also the courage that it takes to break through these very debilitating constructs from society that you are fed.
Lily: I think the biggest lesson that I have learned from working with her and her just being my mom in general is the power of standing alone, doing your own thing, and not letting the thoughts in your head about what you should be doing rule and control you.
Do you see self-acceptance as something finite or is it a work in progress?
Lily: For me, it wavers all the time. It’s something we focus in our message: that self-acceptance and feeling good is not like an end goal that when you reach it stays stagnant. We see it as daily practice, something that you have to really work on. I find it really alienating the way that body positivity is projected on social media as this thing that’s like “confidence, confidence” as if you’re always just feeling incredible and you don’t have those moments of doubt. I don’t find that relatable. It’s okay to be honest that you’re struggling, that’s part of the acceptance. Trying to pretend that you are perfect is not accepting yourself.
How do you feel that social media has affected the way we view ourselves?
Lily: I think it’s a double-edged sword; on one hand, it’s incredible in allowing for so many different new voices and diverse images to come to the forefront and disrupt the narrative. For so many communities that were not being put forward by mainstream media, they can finally see people that they can relate to that they previously didn’t see in magazines. On that level it is breaking open a lot of these boxes on limited ideals. On the other hand, our image-obsessed culture has become even more intensified because of it. You can often find yourself comparing yourself to other people so in that sense it can be a little problematic in thinking that other people are happier than you just because of their social media. It’s both.
How do you find your subjects?
Lily: We find our subjects in so many different ways. When it started we were kind of just scouting on the streets, running round events and going up to people. Now we also utilize the power of social media. We are looking for people that have that intangible essence, whose style is the way that they march to the beat of their own drum. We just have this way of sensing it in people. From there it’s like, are they willing to be honest? Are they willing to be vulnerable?
What advice would you give to someone searching for self-acceptance?
Elisa: If one is not in touch with the part of themselves that feels beautiful within their own skin, it’s something that’s coming from inside themselves. Inside, you have self love and that’s something that no society and culture can take away from you. Try to unlearn the pattern, because the pattern is not real. Try to learn self-love.
What are your hopes for StyleLikeU?
Lily: Our goal is to be doing What’s Underneath in different cities all over the world. We have a book coming out next spring, a coffee table book based on What’s Underneath with stories and photos and quotes. We are also trying to really figure out how we can harness the calls that we have gotten from fans all over the world who want to be a part of this and share their own stories. We have also created a high school and college workshop where people can have a similar experience to the videos and talk about their own issues with self-image.
Credits
Text Tish Weinstock