1. Complain that you can’t smoke inside the catwalk tent.
2. Wear sunglasses to show that you’re not bothered, but stop for every fashion blog photographer.
3. Don’t brush your hair for the whole week.
4. Eat at the Marly and pretend you went to the Louvre.
5. Eat at the Café de Flore to feel like you’ve been reading Jean-Paul Sartre all afternoon
6. Order wine at lunch.
7. Paint your nails yellow to feel eccentric.
8. Cross the street when you shouldn’t.
9. Pretend you’ve got something better to do than seeing a fashion show, but run to a computer to watch the shows live on nowfashion.com
10. Spend half an hour in your bathroom to make your make-up look effortless.
11. Sleep with a braid so that everyone thinks you had sex all night.
12. Wear black because you’re too scared of making a faux pas.
13. Hide your hips in large pants so that everyone applauds your tomboy look.
14. Leave a very trendy party and pretend you’re going to an even-more-exclusive party, when really you’re just going home to bed.
15. Spend Wednesday afternoon with your child and his schoolmates in Disneyland Paris.
16. Go to a show with camembert breath.
17. Miss a show but still have a strong opinion on it.
18. Be late and use the excuse that you’re just too busy. Unlike the ones waiting for you, obviously.
19. Cut all queues. After all, it’s your city.
20. Be too busy to finish the i-D list.
Credits
Text Caroline de Maigret
Photography Quentin De Briey