You might be surprised to learn that Marilyn Manson is 48. Let’s be honest, he looks older. But despite not being a 19-year-old Instagram celebrity with the boyish good looks of a trust fund, Manson is still 100% fully bangable. And he had grills before you. Let’s go on a journey from MM & The Spooky Kids of the early 90s with their legendary DIY merch and terrible second album, all the way up to the Manson of today. Read on for five times I thought “you know what? I absolutely would.”
1. When he rode a pig covered in black paint
It’s a bit sad that Mazza’s three most famous songs have been covers, but it’s also sort of perfect. He only ever set out to be a mirror to American culture, so re-purposing other people’s music and essentially disassociating subject from identity makes a lot of sense. The breakthrough song for MM was their cover of Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams, and the music video was their initial visual communication with the unsuspecting outside world. In it, Manson saddles up a pig and rides it around, covered entirely in black paint. Would.
2. When he puts on long long legs to become very tall
A slight problem with Marilyn Manson is that the peak of his notoriety coincided with the MTV era of pick-up artists and he didn’t really do enough to differentiate himself from them. Neil Strauss, author of The Game, co-wrote Manson’s first autobiography, which makes me… sad. Manson also definitely inspired the iconique outfits of celebrity pick-up artist Mystery, a kind of steampunk Kid Rock who took the definition of skeevy to whole new galaxies of meaning. Still, Mazza has absolved himself in my eyes thanks to his willingness to look like a long, long beetle. Wearing enormous stilts with an accompanying pair of enormous crutches is definitely beyond the realms of “peacocking”.
3. When he became a genderless android
For the cover of his second good album (there have been three imo) Marilyn Manson squeezed himself into the latex embodiment of gender fluidity. The white PVC suit made by Todd Lynn, also clings to him in the Dope Show music video, blurring his genitals into a smooth lump and adding a pair of nipple-less breasts. His his most iconic album cover still feels pretty relevant, which probably says as much about general culture as it does Manson’s ability to satirise it. Depictions of gender have always been interesting to him, and he has repeatedly cited his cross-dressing pornographer granddad as an massive early influence. People I want to have sex with wearing clothes I want to be wearing. Yep.
4. That sexy moment in the hot tub
Was there really a hotter moment during the turn of the teen-movie saturated millennium than Mazza bowling in to a house party and putting someone in an arm lock in the hot tub? The video for Tainted Love literally hit every cue for an angsty 13-year-old girl desperate to outrageously rebel in the few hours left of Sunday before tea-time. This inspired me to go rogue with black eyeliner, buy a transparent pink dog collar from Punkyfish and generally go HAM in the back section of Claire’s Accessories. My parents loved it, which was annoying.
5. Lindsay Lohan was the reason for his divorce
Sometime after the success of Tainted Love and a foray into a kind of goth cabaret, Manson seemed to be losing his way. I don’t want to bang anything wearing a bowler hat and at that point, outrageously, he had the gall to marry someone else. Dita Von Teese was fine but she did nothing for his aesthetic. Luckily, HRH Lindsay Lohan steamrollered her way onto the scene and the pair struck up a platonic friendship so bizarre it allegedly brought his marriage to a close. These photos of them at a tequila party for sober Lohan arethe most aspirational pictures I’ve ever had the pleasure of saving to desktop.