Miley Cyrus wore a rainbow rhinestone-covered capelet on Jimmy Kimmel last night. She accessorized with no shirt, nipple pasties and an elaborate harajuku-style headpiece that included an anthropomorphic marijuana leaf. Jimmy said he would maintain eye contact with the leaf in case he found himself accidentally staring at Miley’s chest. (Jimmy: “I’m still a little flustered by your—” Miley: “Tits.” Jimmy: “—outfit. But yeah, by those.”)
In just six minutes, Miley gave Jimmy a thorough primer on the arguments behind the Free the Nipple movement, addressed his parental concerns about toplessness and argued for the environmental benefits of being a vegan nudist. Here are her key points:
Billy Ray Cyrus doesn’t know how to turn on a TV.
As a parent himself, Jimmy was worried what BRC might think about Miley’s breast-baring ensembs. Miley first reassured Jimmy that, being “a caveman,” Billy Ray was not au courant with TVs, so rarely saw her outfits. “Anyway,” she answered, “He’d rather me have my tits out and be a good person than have a shirt on and be a bitch.” She continued, “I see a lot of people with their clothes on and they’re kind of assholes. So I don’t know whether it’s the clothes that turn you into an asshole?”
Miley’s breasts made Paul McCartney nervous.
In April, Miley inducted Joan Jett into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame wearing a pair of heart-shaped nipple pasties and not much more. During the ceremony, she ended up talking to Paul McCartney, who, Miley told Jimmy, was very uncomfortable. “But it made me more comfortable!” said Miley. “Sometimes [being topless] is a nice convo icebreaker.”
Miley hates the word “boob.”
Unsure if she could use the word “tits” on air, Miley tried out “boobs,” but said the word weirded her out. “It’s like ‘panties’ – it’s creepy.” Miley and Jimmy both agreed on “breast.”
Most Americans are fine with breasts, just not nipples.
Miley eloquently laid out the central paradox of the Free the Nipple movement for Jimmy: “I’m showing my breasts but my nipples are covered so somehow that’s ok. Americans are fine with tits, it’s nipples they don’t like, which is what you [Jimmy] have! Which is insane. The nipple part, which everyone has, is not ok, but the jug part is allowed.”
Hot Topic is not the best place to buy nipple pasties.
Jimmy asked Miley if Hot Top might be a good place to shop for nipple pasties. But apparently Hollywood Boulevard is her spot. “It’s pretty much my entire closet,” she said. “You can get any kind of nipple you want,” she elaborated. Even LED nipples. “Sometimes they will leave the imprint of whatever symbol it is. I do pot leafs, stars, hearts…” Jimmy, resuming his role as concerned parent, seemed to approve: “You are saving a lot of money on clothes.”
Credits
Text Alice Newell-Hanson