Look, obviously nobody wants to be a member of the Roy family. Not really. Yes, they’re billionaires with power and influence and a wardrobe full of interchangeable navy blue fleeces and plain baseball caps. But they’re also pathetic and cruel and out of their depth and sneaky and desperate for Logan’s love. And that just seems too heavy.
But it’s the testament to the success and clever script-writing of HBO’s Succession that despite their very obvious flaws, we as an audience — at least at some point, for varying characters and to varying degrees — actually root for the Roys. We identify and empathise and even sympathise with these vacuous billionaires. We relate to them even though on the surface their lifestyles and privilege make them completely unrelatable to even the richest and most vapid among us. Clever really!
It makes sense then that, of course, we’re desperate to find which one of the Roy family siblings we are most like. And we’re in luck! This personality quiz promises to tell us (in truly devastating detail too) whether we’re more like Siobhan, Roman, Kendall or, horror of horrors, Connor. “Please be warned that I did not hold back,” wrote the creator of the quiz, which began circulating on Twitter yesterday, shortly after the fourth episode of Succession’s third season dropped. “There is not one positive thing in any answer. So… maybe don’t take this. Every [Succession] character is awful, and even if you aren’t, the parts of you that are like these characters probably aren’t too great. Sorry if I get you totally wrong, but also no I’m not because I’ve never been wrong about anything.”
If that doesn’t put you off, then dive in. The questions propose some incredibly detailed scenarios (how would you react if daddy offered you the CEO position, would you offer up your life to save another, do you actually believe in yourself… you know, just the standard day to day problems at Waystar), before telling you what character you are coded, and what character you are actually most like.
Your Y-Girl, you see, is who you are deep down, the imp of the perverse dying to get out and fuck shit up, to masturbate on an office window or tattoo your initials on the head of a homeless man. Your X-coded character, meanwhile, is who you act like as a result of your Y-Girl, the person you share your logic and strategy with, the fact you show the world and the shareholders. Make sense? Cool. Dive in here. Try not to cry.