Relationships are complicated, but what happens when your soulmate is a mysterious, scaled creature from South America who lives in a water tank and has a penchant for boiled eggs? And no, we are not talking about the guy your flatmate dated on her gap year. If The Shape of Water is anything to go by, this liaison is more Grinding Nemo than finding him. But we won’t spoil it for you. Instead, here’s a look at the best on screen interspecies romances of all time. Because whoever said love is easy was a lying asshole.
Allen <3 Madison, Splash
This is a story of boy meets girl. Boy is Allen, a wholesale fruit and vegetable businessman who cannot swim. Girl is Blubdyblubbloop (or Madison as she’s known on terra firma). She has dual identities because she is also a mermaid. They first met when they were kids: Allen falls off a boat and Madison saves him from drowning. 20 years later the same thing happens again. Both times, Allen can’t remember what happens, ffs Allen. Not wanting to wait around for a third time, Madison ditches her tail and heads on to dry land to try and track him down. The thing is, she’s naked and speaks no English, or any human language for that matter. However she has his wallet, so after arresting her for human indecency, the police are able to find him and the two soon fall in love. She knows she has to tell him she’s a mermaid but is worried he’s going to freak out, because let’s face it — Allen’s a bit of a square. But unbeknownst to them both, evil scientist Dr. Walter Kornbluth is concocting a plan to expose her, capture her, and use her for his evil and not vegan scientific projects. He gets as far as the first two before Allen and his (pervy) brother Freddie come to her rescue, after impersonating Swedish scientists. Chased by government officials they head to the big blue sea where Madison dives into the ocean. Realising that, yes, lo and behold it was a younger Madison who had saved him all those years ago, Allen plops in after her. Though she tells him he will never be able to return to dry land, Allen knows in his heart that life really is better down where it’s wetter, under da sea, and the two swim off into the sunset. The end, roll credits, drop mic.
King Kong <3 Ann Darrow, King Kong
It’s hard to imagine what attracted 20-something, single aspiring actress Ann Darrow to 35 ft gorilla monster King Kong, but when they met, boy oh boy! Sparks flew! Offered up to Kong as a sacrifice by a tribe on Skull Island, Ann soon wins the big ol’ softie over by juggling and dancing for him. In return, he makes some romantic gestures of his own: saving her from three Vastatosaurus rex, rejecting an enormous chorus girl that a film crew in New York tries to trick him with and so on. We’ve all been there really. He even takes her on a romantic trip up the Empire State, before becoming mortally wounded. Alas, it was short lived, but they’ll always have that moment on a frozen pond in Central Park as the US army lays siege to them.
Edward Cullen <3 Bella Swan (<3 Jacob Black), Twilight
Bella Swan is just your average angsty high school teen who hates boys and thinks nobody understands her. That is, until she meets Edward — a tall, dark and handsome 108-year-old vampire, with skin as pale as the moon and cheekbones sharper than a steak knife. At first he plays hard to get, staring at her broodingly across the classroom and then literally avoiding her whenever she comes close. Of course, she thinks he’s just not that into her, but he’s only really doing it for fear of eating her if she comes any closer. That’s how much he’s into her. Things then get really complicated when her childhood friend Jacob becomes a werewolf and starts filling out. After many, many interspecies battles, and many, many Twilight sequels, Bella ends up having a half human, half vampire baby before becoming a vampire herself to be with the love of her life forever. Fanfiction legend has it that Bella’s daughter ends up with Jacob, which is like you hooking up with your mum’s first boyfriend. Ew.
Jonathan Switcher <3 Ema Heshire, Mannequin
This is a bit of a weird one, so bear with me. Over in ancient Egypt, a young woman (?) Ema Heshire hides in a pyramid from her mother who wants to marry her off to some randomer against her will. Those bloody Ancient Egyptians! Anway, in a real pickle, Ema prays to the gods to help her out so that she may one day experience true love. The gods answer her prayers by making her disappear…
Fast-forward to Philadelphia 1987, where would be artist Jonathan Switcher is working as a stock boy at the Prince & Company department store. There he makes a mannequin, the most perfect mannequin he’s ever made. Then one night, he’s messing around with the window display, when his perfect mannequin comes to life as Ema, only she calls herself Emmy to be all modern and hip. With Emmy’s help, Jonathan’s dazzling window displays attract the attention of the company board who promote Jonathan to visual merchandising. But a corrupt board member who is actually a spy for a rival department store cottons on to Emmy’s supernatural powers and steals her. Love triumphs in the end when J dog goes and rescues her. She comes to life and they marry in front of the store window. Random AF, but a nice sentiment.
Korben Dallas <3 LeeLoo Minaï Lekatariba-Laminaï-Tchaï Ekbat de Sebat, The Fifth Element
He was a flying taxicab driver named Korben Dallas, and she was flame-haired humanoid sent to earth as a weapon against the great evil. Lots of very elaborate, very confusing things happen along the way. But basically they fall in love and she saves everyone and they live happily ever after. Yay feminism.