It’s hard to believe but this 16th August 2018, the ageless shapeshifter that is Madonna turns 60 years old (making her a Leo, not that we’d expect anything less). Madonna has been many things over her past five decades in the music industry — a muse, a trendsetter, a provider of endless bops. Most of all though, she has been an endless mood. Never one to stand still or give us time to get bored, Madonna Louise Ciccone has kept us continually entertained in a world where, pre- and-post internet, we collectively get bored of a lewk, sound and schtick after 15 minutes. She’s adapted so adeptly that it’s hard to keep track of just how many iterations Madge’s career has gone through. Luckily though, we’ve tracked the best ones here, by the magic of astrology!
Virgo — Like A Virgin Madonna
Virgos often get a bad rap, because their affiliation to the virgin or angel figure means that many consider them prudish through and through. But Madonna’s Like A Virgin era is actually the perfect portrayal of the oft-overlooked aspect of a Virgo’s personality: their duplicitous, wink-wink-nudge-nudge side. Released in 1984, it became her first major hit. It was exactly what the audience and the record companies wanted of a woman at the time: coy and teasing, but not overtly sexual. That’s what a Virgo looks like to the outside world. Then there’s that video of her gyrating around on a gondola, and by 1990 Madonna was feigning masturbation to the song on the Blonde Ambition tour. That’s what a Virgo looks like in private.
Leo — Confessions tour Madonna
By the time Confessions tour era rolled around in the mid-noughties, Madonna had fully embraced her Leo nature. Leos want to be seen. And let’s face it, by 2006, Madge had done her fair share of trying to be seen. What did she have left in her bag to pull out? Could she have run out of ideas? No, she is a Leo, duh. Cue a four part tour featuring disco, spandex, feathered hair, cowboy hats and the singer literally descending from a disco ball in an all black equestrian yet circus style outfit to perform I Feel Love. Nobody does a theatrical mood better than Madonna.
Libra — Evita Madonna
Balanced, equanimous, wise and ambitious. Am I describing a Libra personality, or am I describing tragic first lady of Argentina Eva Perón? Both, actually! More specifically, I am describing Madonna’s powerful performance as Eva in the 1996 musical, Evita. Standing on that balcony, belting out Don’t Cry For Me Argentina, Madonna was the ultimate Libra mood. She encompassed all the best traits of the most balanced sign in the Zodiac: composed, gentle, a lover of beauty and chicness and harmony. Look, no, I don’t know if Eva Perón was actually a Libra, but it was very that vibe, okay?
Scorpio — Erotica Madonna
Was there ever going to be a bigger Scorpio mood than Madonna’s Erotica period? The most intense and overtly sexual astrological sign, nowhere did Madonna embrace her inner Scorpio more than with Erotica. And the accompanying, equally shocking coffee table book, Sex. It’s hard now, in an era where female popstars are thankfully more able to embrace their sexuality unapologetically, to overestimate the importance of the critical reaction to Erotica. Madonna was one of the first women in pop to speak defiantly and proudly about female desire, and it’s easy to see why it was called “the album that changed pop music forever”. Scorpios would not expect anything less.
Sagittarius — Madonna when she fell off the stage in that matador outfit
Some people are content with staying in one place, never embracing change because there’s a chance that change can backfire. These people are not Sagittariuses. The most extroverted and open-minded sign of the Zodiac, a Sagittarius is endlessly optimistic. They embrace change even if it may backfire outrageously. Like, for instance, when Madonna put on that Matador costume at the Brit Awards and fell off the stage. Was it embarrassing at the time? Yes! But did it become iconic? As with all Madonna moods — yes!
Capricorn — Early 80’s Madonna
If there was any sign Madonna embodied at the genesis of her impossibly illustrious career, it was Capricorn. Firstly: Capricorns don’t rush in. They are practical, ambitious, wise and cautious. They plan their moves. They’re patient about waiting for the upshot, knowing that eventually their logic and determination will pay off. When Madonna released her debut single Everybody, all the way back in 1982, did she have any idea that she’d go on to become the undisputed Queen of Pop? She certainly knew that she needed to work on her sound, and by the time she returned with Lucky Star and her first album, she had embodied the biggest Capricorn mood. She knew it was not a race. It was a bloody four decade Marathon.
Aquarius — Bedtime Stories Madonna
Sometimes, when you’ve been around for a long time — and let’s be honest, Madonna has — you need to get a bit weird. How to make someone pay attention when you’ve pulled out all the stops since your debut though? Well, if you’re an Aquarius, you know the value of odd. The most unpredictable, imaginative and eccentric of the astrological signs, it could only have been a true Aquarius mood that inspired Madonna’s Bedtime Stories concept. In the video she’s both futuristic and angelic, emerging from a flower before birds fly from her pregnant belly. Only Madonna.
Pisces — Ray of Light Madonna
As the most sympathetic and empathetic sign, Pisces could only be a Ray of Light Madonna mood. After all, it was with this late nineties release that Madge got more personal, sensitive, humanitarian and yes, admittedly, a bit emo with her sound. Twenty years on, there’s a reason why we still love it so much. As all Pisces know, there’s nothing better than a good break from the brash limelight to reconnect with ourselves. Namaste.
Aries — Like a Prayer Madonna
There are times when you need to be introspective. Then there times when you just wanna shock people. Nobody knows the delicious power of shocking an audience better than an Aries. Courageous, daring, impetuous and defiant — both a typical Aries, and Madonna’s 1989 hit Like A Prayer. She gyrates in a church! She gets off with Jesus! She does not care what you think of her! Nearly 30 years on, it’s still a little bit naughty, and more than a little bit of a banger.
Taurus — Material Girl Madonna
Tauruses are the most materialistic of all the zodiac signs. It’s a fact. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Tauruses are also notoriously hard working, and so when they treat themselves, like to a new pair of trainers or a pink satin ballgown with matching full length gloves, it’s because they truly believe they deserve it. It’s not showing off, it’s an act of self care. It’s a “treat yo’ self” mentality. It’s Madonna’s Material Girl video.
Gemini — Weird British accent Madonna
Sometimes you just can’t decide, you know? Like, are you English or American? Are you a singer or an actress or an author of children’s books? Why do you have to be just one! Geminis, often unfairly cast as the most two-faced astrological sign, and less unfairly cast as the most indecisive zodiac sign. They know this mood well. So did Madonna, during her dubious but iconic “am I just a lovely English woman now?” era.
Cancer – Big charity mood Madonna
Madonna’s not just a popstar or an actress. She’s a campaigner too, albeit a slightly problematic one. Her Raising Malawi project was fairly short-lived, beginning in 2006 before being scrapped in 2010 after widespread criticism across the country and from the President of Malawi himself. But the thought was there. Cancers, the most charitable and magnanimous sign of the zodiac, would appreciate the thought at least — if not the execution. Not to be perturbed, Madonna continued her work in the region. In 2014 she was named the country’s Goodwill ambassador for child welfare, and in 2017 she oversaw the opening of a new children’s hospital in Malawi.
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