Trump did it, because he knows a good deal when he sees one, and publicly blinding yourself by gazing into the glare of the mighty eclipse is a great deal! A great deal. We’re all blinded now, across the UK and the USA, and what will happen to our materialist culture really is anyone’s guess. But before new and unfamiliar ideologies sweep the west, I’ve managed one last capitalist hurrah by randomly mashing the keyboard of my MacBook. Four pairs of sunglasses that, had you been wearing yesterday, you wouldn’t now be screaming in agony and clutching at your fried eye-sockets. And you would have looked fabulous too. Sad!
The tri-stripe is back baby, and if you’re about to claim there’s a sexier way to prevent permanent eye damage you better be ready to back it up! If only you’d slipped these glittery disco shades on over those poor peepers of yours before shrieking up at the blackened sky. Your whole life would be so different now.
Gucci £335
Remember the last eclipse? The one you wore the protective shades for and didn’t ruin your vision by staring directly at that evasive golden orb? If only you’d channelled that retro-futuristic look in these Stella McCartney sunglasses and would be able to relive that experience for all the future eclipses you will now, of course, no longer get to see.
Stella McCartney £165
Look at these incredible blue shades! Oh wait, you can’t. Well you’ll have to trust me (which is foolish as I can’t see either) when I say damn you would have looked spaced-out and hyper-cool wearing them while simultaneously protecting your delicate irises from the raging torch of the sun.
Ambush £335
An homage to the golden age, Acne’s to-die-for brash 80s aviators would be the perfect finishing touch to any skateboarding fan’s ideal fit. You won’t be skateboarding any more now though, or watching videos of skateboarding either. You’ll be wondering which way is up and which is down in this dark and confusing world. If only you’d worn Acne. If. Only.
Acne Studios £240