What do you do when the lead up to your album has been littered with an onslaught of “Stupid Love” leaks, pandemic fuelled delays, retailers accidentally posting tracklists and cover art too early, hacked legal documents to Jeff Koons, and now a barrage of Nelly Furtado sample rumours? Well if you’re Lady Gaga, you hop behind the wheel of a box truck with your face emblazoned across every side, don your signature magenta wig and a studded Chromatica face mask and hand-deliver the most hotly anticipated album of the year to retailers across the world.
This is the plan, at least, that Gaga shared with us in a recent Twitter post. And although we have a sneaking suspicion she took the four pictures for the clout and then never saw that truck again, we love the idea of Mother Monster (who also recently became a weather girl, what can’t our queen do?) now coming for Santa’s gig — delivering Chromatica gifts and candy canes to us mere Glenn Cocos.
Although the album’s release date is set for tomorrow, don’t worry about the truck getting to a retailer near you in time because on Chromatica, the planet we would all much rather be on right now, “time and distance do not exist”. Makes total and complete sense, tbh.
Let’s just hope Mark Ronson’s car is nowhere nearby on the delivery route.