TELFAR! THE BAG! GUARANTEED COP! FOR ONE DAY ONLY! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Ok, you’ve probably got the point from that, but for the sake of elaborating, here’s the scalding tea.
This Wednesday, 19 August 2020, your worries will be lifted, your skin will be cleared, your overdraft will be balanced. Ok, none of that is true, but something better than any of those things will be coming your way. This Wednesday, you’ll be able to place a guaranteed pre-order for the Telfar bag (or bags!) of your choice!
As anyone who has recently tried to get their hands on one recently will know, you’re more likely to get rich panning for gold in the River Thames than you are to cop a Bushwick Birkin. If you head to Brooklyn-based brand’s site right now, you’ll see that every bag in every colour or size is sold out 🙂
In light of its ‘Not for you, for everyone’ tagline, Telfar has been trying its hardest to ensure that, well, everyone can get their hands on the egalitarian tote via a notification system that lets you know when the one you’re after is back in stock. But not even that seems to have adequately fulfilled its function, with the product as good as gone before it even hits the shop floor. To deter hoarders, they’ve even had to limit orders to one per purchase.
That’s why they’re giving you the one-off opportunity to place orders for the exact size, colour and quantity of your choice through a one-off Bag Security Program. After then, it’ll be back to battling your weak af internet connection for 30 minutes every month, only to once again miss out on all of the Black and Oxblood drops.
There are, however, specific rules to follow. You’ll be required to pay in full at the checkout, and there are no refund or cancellation options — for anyone! Delivery is guaranteed between December 15th 2020 and January 15th 2021, but you’ll have to ensure that the address you give is a place you know you’ll be for those dates.
So what are you doing this Wednesday? Well, whatever your plans were, cancel them — it’s time to secure the bag.
