Ladies and Gentlemen! Mere mortals, plebeians, patricians, Bey Hive members, and 6 Gods everywhere. Mr. Kanye Omari West—known to many as Yeezus, but known to close friends as “Ye”—has announced his bid for President of the United States of America in 2020. This is a monumental moment for not only American history, but for the world. Kanye has made his mark in the music and fashion worlds respectively, and now plans to tackle the role as Commander-In-Chief. Now look, it’s tough to say if this is outright a wonderful idea. However, like most things involving Kanye West, we must see it to really understand it. We at i-D were given a first hand look at Kanye’s plan (no we weren’t, we’re making this entire thing up), and we’d like to share it all with you. Check out The New Workout Plan The New Presidential Plan.
First Lady: Kim Kardashian-West
Let’s start with the most important person who will ever enter the White House: Kim Kardashian-West. As First Lady, Kim hopes to turn all First Family portraits into selfies. In addition, going forward anything under oath must be prefaced with “Bible!” before proceeding. Kim also hopes to make the First Children North West and the future Easton West the models for the new military uniform line she’ll be rolling out in 2021. For all events that she is unable to attend, the understudy First Lady will be Caitlyn Jenner.
Vice President: John Legend
As Vice President, John Legend will be responsible for ensuring that President West is level headed in his decision making at all times. Vice President Legend will advise President West on domestic issues, particularly those involving “Ordinary People.” He will also take on the responsibility of creating a new National Anthem, bringing in Kendrick Lamar and Rihanna for assistance.
Secretary Of State: Khloe Kardashian
As Secretary Of State, Koks will travel globally and establish new relationships with other countries by dating people of the region. Thanks to French Montana, she has already built a foundation in Morocco. It may be very tiring, but she is up for the challenge.
House Of Representatives
The carefully selected House Of Representatives will include Jay Z, Alexander Wang, Pusha T, Karl Lagerfeld, Mark Zuckerberg, Big Sean, Lord Disick, and Kris Jenner.
The White House
The White House will be completely redesigned by DONDA with accents of a Murakami. The Oval Office will be renamed as The Rectangle Room (Rec Room for short), because President West doesn’t think ovals are a flattering shape. Every White House employee shall wear a strict uniform of Kanye’s Adidas Originals collection. However, for formal events President West is perfectly fine with any designs inspired by Riccardo Tisci. Also, the nation’s capital will be moved to Chicago.
The Pledge Of Allegiance
President West would like the language changed to “One nation, under Yeezus, who is always invincible, with liberty and justice for all creative geniuses.” President Yeezus hopes everyone will aspire to a “creative genius” level, so when they recite the Pledge of Allegiance, they’ll feel like it’s speaking directly to them.
Taxes
The City Of Chicago will be a tax-free city. For the remainder of the U.S. population, taxes will only be paid by citizens who lack any fashion sense. President West doesn’t care if you can’t afford high end fabrics. In fact, he’s fine with citizens wearing potato sacks. But if that potato sack has an empire waist or pleats, then the person will be forced to pay taxes. Sales tax will only be applied to purchases of music that falls outside of President West’s social circle. Choose your purchases wisely. Also, anyone with the last name of “Bush” in the United States, will have their income taxed at 87.5%.
Education
President West will be turning all schools into experience-based classrooms. Biology classes will be held in hospitals, Math classes at NASA, and English classes at Walden Pond. There will also be initiatives on how to become bionic, led by Beyoncé and courses in forgiveness led by Taylor Swift. College degrees will no longer be awarded to attendees. President West feels the best way to handle advanced education is to attend until you’ve felt you learned everything, and then dropout. And all backpacks must be Louis Vuitton.
Foreign Policy
Working with Secretary of State Khloe Kardashian, President West hopes to establish world peace in a way that has never been done before: through fashion. President West will curate global fashion shows with world leaders in an attempt to make amends worldwide. Once Xi Jinping sees Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in his runway threads, places like China and Turkey can find brand new ways to work together in harmony. President West is confident that fashion will also end fascism.
Women’s Reproductive Rights
President West will defer to Beyoncé Knowles-Carter on all decisions involving Single Ladies, Independent Women, and every woman in between. Mrs. Knowles-Carter will invent a new form of birth control where saying her name will automatically eliminate the possibility of pregnancy. For those looking to increase fertility, they will only have to say “Blue Ivy.” Patent pending.
Law Enforcement
President West has announced that for one entire day, police officers will be governed by the citizens and will patrol without guns. For one day. President West is confident that after those 24 hours, officers will finally understand how civilians feel. If they don’t learn their lesson, it will be extended for an entire year.
Armed Forces
Commander-In-Chief West will change all weaponry to paintball guns because he feels the splashes of color will brighten everyone’s days and end war completely. As previously mentioned, the uniforms will be designed by North West and the future Easton West.
Religion
The Churches of Yeezus shall be the only acceptable religion to be practiced in the United States, because, well I Am God.
United States Deficit
President Yeezus will pay off the trillion-dollar-plus deficit with his American Express Black Card. He will then shut down American Express. Problem solved.
Unemployment
There will no longer be such a thing as “unemployment.” For those collecting or seeking welfare, President West will bring them in to volunteer in the City of Chicago of work for DONDA for pay. For those who do not wish to work with President West on his Employment Plan, he will purchase them each a one-way ticket to Canada.
Climate Change
President West will rely upon the eyes of Beyoncé Knowles-Carter to fill the holes in the Ozone layer, thereby eliminating any destructive patterns to the environment. Using a new retina technology built by the makers of TIDAL (eek!), Bey will simply stare into the sky and destroy any toxins before they reach the atmosphere. Obviously, patent pending.
Credits
Photography Kate Owen