Ah, les vacances! Indeed, though it may not seem like it from where we’re typing (just look up the London weather forecast, and join us in shedding a tear), summer is upon us. Of course, the sensible ones among us will have planned out a season’s worth of plans while last year’s were coming to an end, but we are not the sensible ones. As we contend with the grim AF reality of pissing away our summers in weather that makes it feel like it’s already November, we’ve naturally been scanning every last-minute holiday booking site out there to find a way to escape the cold, wet islands we call home.
We assume, though, that we aren’t the only ones who’ve found themselves sad and planless this summer, and so we, the charitable souls we are, did a whip around some of our better-organised besties for tips on where they’re going for some holiday inspo. From all the Amalfi hotspots our spoiled sugar babies are being ferried — sorry, yachted — to, to the spiritually-recharging retreats our wellness witch will be checking into, here’s our ultimate summer gift guide.
The eco-conscious angel
Do you know how bad for the environment commercial plane travel is? Well, yeah, of course you do. We all do. But only some of us have yet learned to adjust to that. Only some of us have learned to embrace a new eco-conscious way of travelling. And of those that have, two things are invariably true: firstly, that they will tell you about it at any chance they get, and secondly, that they are, in fairness to them, really really good at it. It’s these people who are the Gods of the Staycation, whose YouTube algorithms are full of outdoor camping videos, who perhaps dabble in the #VanLife content creation game themselves. They’re obsessed with off-grid living, taking a break from their self-sufficient allotment – which thus far has only given them five tiny tomatoes and a bendy carrot – to embrace summer sojourns in cordless, wifi-less, toilet-less, solar-powered pods found on AirBnb. If they’re slightly boujier than this perhaps they’re doing luxe-interailling (Belmond Royal Scotsman vibes), or going forest bathing in Sweden, or visiting one of those natural wine vineyards out in Sussex where they’re harbouring Barbara Cartland-esque fantasies of shagging the scruffy-haired owner on the last night of the trip. If they’re slightly less bouji, you’ll find them out on the coast, happily trekking up and down a polluted beach that they’re taking it upon themselves to clean, armed with a litter picker and a smile. After they get the train back to London they’ll reward themselves for this task with a beautiful meal at Silo, the city’s crown jewel of environmentally friendly and eco-waste eateries. They will not be eating meat. RL
The no-go-zone globetrotter
Life is all about balance, and while our eco-conscious angel is being mindful about where they travel in the name of preserving the planet, this intrepid traveller is on a mission to see it all before it disappears. As such all of the other destinations you’ll read on here are pretty much no-gos for them, because they’ve seen it all before. Endowed with an almost-perverse passion for really going off the grid, they’ve swapped out Condé Nast Traveller for the FCDO red-warning list, and this summer, their go-tos are, well, actual no-go destinations: The Gilis? Girl, please – it’s giving Timor-Leste this year! Gorilla trekking in Rwanda’s Virunga Mountains? The Congolese side’s where it’s at! Aman’s OG island resort in the Philippines? Only worth it if it comes with daredevil kudos of going during typhoon season. That said, it isn’t all about satiating a yearning to travel to destinations from which they may not return; ones that are near-on impossible to get to will do, too. Bagging one of the rare few permits to visit the northern Brazilian archipelago of Fernando de Noronha is the sort of thing that would probably carry the sort of brag-worthy clout they’re after, as would a Silversea Antarctic cruise. Granted, a bit of tricky one to wrangle into a group holiday that requires any compromise, but it’s worth taking a leaf from their book if you want to see the world before it changes beyond all recognition – just be warned: you run the risk of dying in doing so. MS
The spoiled sugar baby
Figuring out where to spend the summer when you’re not the one spending may seem easy, but it’s actually pretty tricky when there are so many options at hand. This year, our perennially spoiled sugar baby wants to do something different – life for her may be plain sailing, but spending every whole summer bobbing from riviera to riviera has become, well, pretty damn plain. So, where to go? The recent opening of Louis Vuitton’s first-ever airport lounge in Doha had initially placed a trip to the Gulf pretty high up on her list, but that would mean slumming it and flying commercial, and that is no way to be seen at the height of the season! A pilgrimage to Aman’s trio of ultra-plush Japanese properties was going to be her way of doing one better than her arch-rival and occasional, uhm, ‘collaborator’ – who livestreamed the New Years countdown from the hinoki soaking tub at her Aman Tokyo suite – but since the opening of the uber-luxe chain’s Hokkaido wellness resort is within touching distance, it’s worth waiting until then to do all four and really rub it in. A restorative stint at the new Lanserhof on the northern German island of Sylt was also on the cards, but given that the weather’s barely any better than St Petersburg in mid-March, it feels like a bit of a waste. After all, there’s good reason to why, each summer, she inevitably ends up on the deck of a super-yacht somewhere between Sardinia and St Tropez – even more so now, given that LV has opened their very own restaurant in the latter, Lo Scoglio in Marina del Cantone started doing GF DF options just for her, and that she’s seen the staff at Le Sirenuse more times than her own mother over the past few years. You see, even if you can afford any trip in the world – or, rather, you have someone who can foot the bill – sometimes it’s just best to stick to what you know. MS
The wellness witch
Going on holiday is stressful, you know babes? Like, you go away for rest but do you really truly rest? Not if you’re going to Ibiza or Mykonos or Sicily, the wellness witch believes. Instead she’s all about embracing spirituality this summer. Catch her climbing Glastonbury Tor (and not even in June, during the festi – she would never stray out of the healing fields during that), or on a walk along the ley lines up north, shuffling her tarot cards to harvest their energy. She’s down at Stonehenge for the solstice (and then a quick protest against that horribly garish tunnel they’ve planned that will ruin the natural beauty of the place). To recover from such arduous physical activity, the Wellness Witch will not want but need to dash off on a proper retreat – a retreat from her retreats – and one that’s in a picturesque and calming setting. Maybe she’s escaped to Mallorca’s Hotel Corazon: run by photographer Kate Bellm, the 15-room idyll is perched in the Tramuntana Mountains near Deià boasting its own farm, sound healing and guided hikes. Or perhaps she’s taken herself off to Villa Lena, an artist retreat in the rolling hills of Tuscany. If life really got too much, she’ll be taking a vow of silence at one of The Out Of State’s multi-sensory experiences. Maybe she’s fled to the rolling, but wetter, hills of Ireland instead, to stay in a thatched cottage and shop in SuperValu, Sarah Jessica Parker style. Or if the processed food and the prospect of cooking for herself is simply too arduous, then the Wellness Witch will simply check herself into one of the world’s chillest and best wellness hotels; Six Senses Vana, perhaps? Well, how else would she prepare herself for her end of summer blowout (an ayahuasca retreat in Dorset, naturally). RL
The #summerinthecity girly
Who needs to leave the city we live in for the summer, eh? This is what you are telling yourself, perhaps because the cozzie livs has trapped you, perhaps because everyone else has applied for their annual leave before you knew where you wanted to go, and now it’s too late. Anyway! It’s not quite so bad. There’s plenty to do in the city to keep you going and populate your grid from now until deep September. Strap on a pair of chic but comfy shoes (perhaps something from the LØCI Neo or Atom range, recommended by your fellow staycationer, the eco friendly angel), and embrace the tourist within you and take one of those gauche open bus tours you’ve always seen everywhere. Buy tickets for things you’ve been meaning to get tickets for; Tate Lates, Sir John Soane’s Lates, National Portrait Gallery Lates? Luckily for you and your light evenings, London loves a Lates. Adopt a new, boujier you for the summer months; head to The Newt or Babington House for tea and cocky-tees, or take in a light, mediterranean dinner at one of London’s restaurants with a fun enough name to make you think you’re actually in somewhere sunny (if it wasn’t for the weather). We recommend Socca, Bossa or Nessa. You’re welcom-a. After dinner head out to one of the city’s most Instagrammable roof terraces for a nightcap Campari spritz; the Whispering Angel terrace just launched at The Trafalgar, just FYI. If boozing and dining isn’t quite your vibe, or you’re staying in the city for something altogether more wholesome, then why not head out to Hackney Marshes, Eel Pie Island or the London Wetland Centre to take in some nature, and then Aire Ancient Baths to reconnect. Quickly realise you’re deeply bored with this and quickly escape to something much more fun instead: Adonis. Body Movements. Something with dancing instead of ducks. RL